This season gives us the chance to visit that magical land that time forgot: The Christmas Village.
Wrapped carefully in the pages of 2009, there it is in all its glory. The music store. The rustic little tavern. The majestic church. The stone wall and the little folks dragging their tiny trees through the town square.
When I was young, my grandparents had a similar little set of houses, but theirs were made of cardboard and some tinted clear material that served as windows. There were still little holes in the rear of the homes so you could light them under the tree.
In the Christmas village behind my tree, all is calm and all is bright. But, when I was arranging it last night, I got to thinking about the modern day Christmas Village and what it might look like. I was thinking it would be a cross between Pottersville and The Warped Tour. Here are some things I came up with that would be in NEPA’s “Holidaytown:”
Little tiny couches for the little tiny porches.
A hookah lounge.
A wide swath of land set aside for a Keystone Opportunity Zone (KOZ).
An unlicensed Pit Bull running down the street.
A coed vomiting outside a bar that features midget celebrity impersonators.
A public school filled a staff that resembles each other because they’re cousins.
A half torched row home.
A convenience store being robbed by a little tiny gunman.
A Prius featuring a guy rooting for change in the middle console.
And…from the WILK listeners….
A hospital for sale. (John from West Wyoming)
A church with a “closed” sign on it. (a lady caller)
An inflatable train to New York. (Dave)
Those ubiquitous little TV satellite dishes on all the houses, springing up like mushrooms! (Karen)
Roads leading into the village with one lane traffic in town, several utility trucks clustered around a hole. In the hole, one man and six or more men standing and looking into the hole. (CHS)
Don’t forget the token culm bank. Of course, you must have pot holes. To honor our new comers, a low rider driving thru with a thousand points of light coming from the windows. And don’t forget the inflatable damn, with tiny Tootsie Rolls piling up behind it. (Johnny from Va.)
How about some miniature picketing teachers for your Christmas village? (Armando the alien)
Every car needs a driver with a dog on its lap. Finally, every young person should have ear buds in because we all know they can't go five minutes without listening to music. (Margaret)
A house monitor repair shop and a diner with a pay off booth. (Bob)
Don't forget the little radio station building with the big tower next to it and the wacky morning DJ with mullett sitting on top of the roof with a Santa hat on doing his wacky crazy radio DJ marathon for
some cause. (Mark)
A methadone clinic in an industrial park. (Ken)
Don't forget an unemployment office in our village! (Brian)
A casino _ in addition to the fracking gas wells. (Tom)
I’d have a giant Walmart, 20 times the size of any other store. (David)
Have any wise guy answers? Leave them in the comment section. Want to pick on Corbett? Call his show. Thanks.