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Are You There Caller?

     Larry King has retired from CNN after twenty-five years but does he still write a column or is that long gone? It used to be in USA Today but since my parakeet escaped I don’t need the newspaper anymore.
     Regardless, what I liked about Larry King’s “column” was that it wasn’t really a column so much as it was an amalgamation of disjointed thoughts. Just free association randomness.
     “For my two cents Patty Lupone is a heckuva singer! Is there anything better than taking your shoes off every chance you get? Technology is getting carried away, how about those VCR’s!”
     It is in that spirit I submit for your approval (and I submit also before I’m reminded “Hey, time to update your blog!”), this:
     I don’t know if we’ll do another cruise next time we travel with AAA/North Penn or if we’ll fly somewhere, but we had an outstanding time on our recent Caribbean jaunt.
     The first stop on our cruise was in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico. The scenery was beautiful and the city has a rich history. We saw Fort San Felipe del Morro and the church where Ponce de Leon’s remains are interred.
     Curiously, cats are protected by the city government. There are a lot of cats wandering around Old San Juan. Didn't see any mice. Don't remember any birds either.
     While we were there we spent a few hours in the downtown shopping district. It reminded me of the Dollar Store. Not the prices, the smell.
     The next day we visited St. Thomas. Karen and I were the last two passengers in a FULL minivan/taxi. I was invited to ride in the front passenger seat. In St. Thomas they drive on the left side of the road. I spent the entire twenty minute ride to the beach leaning and hitting a non-existent brake.
     We stopped next at Samana in the Dominician Republic. No pier. It was tender transport to the beach so Karen and I decided to stay onboard that day and take advantage of an empty ship and the correspondingly less crowded pool and hot tub. But evidently so did 3/4ths of everyone else onboard.
     Day four of island hopping was spent ashore at Labadee, Haiti. Labadee is an island leased by Royal Caribbean. The only ones there are the employees and the passengers from the ship. It was really nice and I learned as we strolled through the local artisans village that the English words for “No thank you” sound exactly like “Ask me again if I want to buy trinkets” in Haitian.

     Onboard the ship one night at dinner I inadvertently ordered a $21.75 glass of scotch. When I found out it was $21.75 I made sure I finished it, including the ice. Beers mostly after that except for one drink that I ordered by the pool strictly because it came not in a glass but in a piece of bamboo. The only time I felt dorkier drinking a drink was the time I ordered something at a hibachi restaurant and it came in an eight inch tall Buddha statue with a straw sticking out of his belly.
     The light in our clothes dryer has burned out. It’s a small 25 watt bulb. You’d think most 25 watt appliance bulbs would be more or less interchangeable. Nope. A similar bulb at Home Depot was three bucks but it doesn’t fit in the socket. The one I need has to be special ordered and costs seventeen dollars. But that’s the kind of luck I have. The one time I ever went to a Hooter’s I got a waiter.
     Reading what I’ve written so far I notice that it's less Larry King’s all over the map style and nearly something resembling unity and coherence, focusing mostly on our cruise. Sorry. Meant to wander more.
     But I did throw in the dryer bulb thing.
     And for my two cents, Patty Lupone is a heckuva singer!

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03/28/2011 3:25PM
Are You There Caller?
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04/03/2011 2:12PM
old codger
much like Andy Rooney, but less salty
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